Look at this. What the hell is going on? How would it taste frosty in the least? No one knows, but I want to try it. It looks kinda photoshopped, but again, if this is real, I have to give it a try if I am ever fortunate (or unfortunate) enough to come across one. I would gladly consume this taco just to say I did, but there's another taco on the list of many I'll never get..
That's right, the taco we all dreamed of when we were small children, when we finally managed to get to sleep, when we ignored the sounds of our brother snoring. A taco that comforted you in your dreams, one that held you close and whispered in your ears the words "this is absolution." And you felt at complete ease for the first time in your life. It lit up your world. You felt your insecurities and fears being ripped from you as you ate this taco, and it was the only time you could truly say in your childhood you were happy..And then you woke up.
But the great thing is, this is actually real! These Taco/ice cream/chocolate hybrids can apparently be found at Taco Bells from what I heard, but nothing, not even a Choco Taco will get me into a Taco Bell. There's far too many awkward white kids working there, and even then, don't they put sawdust in their meat or something? I don't know, I'm more worried about the awkward white kids.
I must acquire this, even if it takes my whole life. This is my new life goal, aside from seeing every movie with talking dogs in it ever. If anyone gets me a Choco Taco, I will kill myself out of happiness, and then possibly kill myself again out of disappointment.
Ever had a fried chicken sandwich and thought "Man, this is good, but I wish it was even more unhealthy"? KFC (Kentucky Fried Chicken, or Kentucky Fried Cruelty for you animal-loving hippies) is assuming you have, which is why they have created the Double Down. Instead of a bun, they use two pieces of fried chicken, and between them is cheese and bacon. Most of you will go "eww that's gross" or something to that effect to make it seem like you're above unhealthy fast food, but you know you want it.I can recall the first time I had one, it was on the way back from seeing Toy Story 3 with my friend Brad, and almost getting into a car accident. We decided to celebrate our victory in life by making it a little shorter. We went to KFC and got two of these things, one for him and one for myself, and we ate, while we sat there talking about Toy Story 3, which mainly consisted of us saying "It was better than I thought it was going to be" over and over in different variations for ten minutes. As we ate them, we quickly realized something..
They were very disappointing. The feeling we got was like how a woman would feel if they had sex with us: Disappointed, unsatisfied, and slightly grossed out. They were good, don't get me wrong, if someone were to bust into my house right now, I'd rather they fling these at me than stab me, and hell, maybe I'd let them steal something from me if they flung a few at me, because it's rude to just receive and not give. But the problem is, it's just decent, it's not great or mind blowing or anything like that. There are so many things I'd rather eat than this. It just wasn't as good as everyone made it out to be.
So why do I want to acquire it again? I have no idea. I know it was disappointing, but part of me is just like "Dude.. Come on.. Dude? Dude." And I have to give in to peer pressure that I'm applying on myself, even if eating one of these is just a heart attack waiting to happen.
I'm afraid of the power I have over myself sometimes.
See, this and the Double Down are in an odd barrel. I've had them both before, and I know they're disappointing, yet I want them. These don't even taste like pizza, or anything similar really, but they're good. Just the thing is, when you buy something that's supposed to taste like pizza, there's something wrong with you: You expect something non-pizza to taste like pizza. I guess that was my problem. I'm not exactly jumping to get this, but it's still something that pops up in my mind on occasion to think about."I wonder if those Pringles still taste like they have powdered Italian food diarrhea on them.."
BAM. Here's some nostalgia for you! For those out of the loop, Wonder Balls were chocolate balls with little candy thingamjiggers inside. The candy changed depending on the ball, so the candy type and the characters inside would change, so you'd get some Sweet Tarts that were of Toy Story characters (the best), or some chalky candy of Tarzan characters, for example, that tasted like butt.I think we all mainly just wanted it for the thin layer of chocolate. I can only barely remember the taste, but I remember thinking it was Godlike. Screw regular, full-size chocolate bars like Hershey's and all that, this was the end-all chocolate.
When I was younger, my mom and sisters used to drag me along on road trips to go see my grandparents, and we used to buy tons of junk food, so that was the only part I ever looked forward to. I'd be in the backseat with my sister Amber with hours, zoning out as I looked out the window, but only if I had taken my motion sickness medicine, the terrible Dramamine.. This was always my favorite thing we ever bought. It tasted great, but the last time I had it, I was seven or so. I know it's easily bought in stores, but I just can't ever bring myself to buy it, no matter curious I am. There's far more important things for me to spend my money on.
Like Hot Wheels.
If you were born in the 90s or late 80s, you had at least one of these at one point. The thing about Lunchables was that they were actually supposed to be heated up, but once you did, they tasted bad. They tasted so much incredibly better when cold, and another thing worth noting was that most of the stuff you had in them were just things that you could easily make yourself, out of things you'd find in a typical kitchen, but somehow they just always tasted better. These were always so much better than their lame counterpart, Kid's Cuisine. Speaking of that..
Wow, this is absolutely terrible. It looks nice, sure, it's in a blue tray and that's more than enough to entertain me. It has to be heated up unless you want everything to taste even more like diarrhea than it already does. It looks all calm and collected on the front, but one you actually open it up, the corn (or is that mac and cheese?) is in the liquid brownie (further fueling the diarrhea conspiracy) and everything's everywhere else. Heating it up doesn't improve it, the fries are still soggy and the chicken still tastes cold no matter how long you microwave it. It's terrible, and the only reason my parents ever gave me this is because they hated me.Or just that I never spoke up and said I disliked it. I don't know.
Plus it gave me my new favorite thing to say to people on the internet; "Keep gettin' mad, faggot, I'm just over here eating my Kid Cuisine and thinking about how much more alpha I am than you."
Man this stuff is great. No one is able to just tell you why these things taste like God's gift to your taste buds, but they're perfect. The only problem with these things are that if you puncture the hole wrong in the pouch, you're screwed and left drinking it awkwardly. Secondly, how come they never released these in the gallons? You're telling me that they'll sell generic fruit punch in huge jugs, but they won't sell us stuff that's actually good? Why is this? WHY AMERICA WHY?If they sold this stuff in gallons, I wouldn't just drink it; I'd bathe in it constantly and hope that these juices would be absorbed into my body to make me a better person as a whole.
Wouldn't that be creepy to put 'drinking assorted juices' as an activity on a dating website?
All of these can basically go in the same category; Yogurt. Trix was always the best, followed by Gogurt, and then Danimals. I think my favorite thing about eating the Trix one was that I'd always give my dog Albert the cups afterwards, and he'd lick them for hours, but it was funny to see him do it. Gogurt was good too, but it was a tube kind, and it sucked when it was frozen because it was really hard to get out of the tube. Never had too much of Danimals, but I can remember not liking it as much as the other two. I miss when my main diet just consisted of Yogurt, Ramen, and Milk every single day.Now it's just Ramen and Milk.
Freeze-pops were pretty rad. They were a liquid inside of pouches that you put in the freezer, let them freeze overnight, and then race for the freezer in the morning with your sister to get the good ones. They all pretty much tasted the same, but the best ones (in our eyes) were the brightest ones, like blue, pink, and green. After we'd go through all of those, then we'd move on to the lesser ones, like red and grape, and then after we were done with those, we'd ignore the orange ones completely. There were orange ones left over from 2002 in my dad's freezer up until just recently. No one could explain why the orange ones were so unappealing, but they were terrible to us. They were a torture that none of us thought we deserved.They were awesome when they turned to liquid, though. I'd snatch that stuff up in gallons if they ever did that, like with Capri Sun.
Sour mushroom-shaped candy, or so that's what they say.. For the real reason why I bought these, just look at them. For added giggles, my mom took me to buy these, knowing well what they looked like, and we ate them in the car..And they were delicious.
Sorry for a food rant out of nowhere, but hey, it's my blog. DEEL W/ IT
