Some Expired Canned Juices Laying Around My Dad's House

This is a fun little twist I'm gonna do. This is no longer just music reviews, but everything in my friggin' life, music, movies, old school and new vidya gmaes, food (including me purposely trying terrible food), drinks, candy, objects, comics, websites, programs, concerts, places, stuff generally no one cares about (including everything I've already listed) and if you piss me off, people! That's right, I will rate you as a person if you manage to get under my skin! It'll be so exciting!

So a while back when I got back to my dad's house, all we had was a gallon of milk, water, and some old cans of frozen orange juice, apple juice, and grape juice. Typically, when I last had these, about a year ago, they were okay, not exactly like the real thing all of the time, but I wouldn't say they were bad, they were good, don't get me wrong, I'd give it a 6/10 or 7/10 depending on what it was, if it was normal, but add a year to that, and it's like the fact that they were frozen means nothing; They taste terrible after a year of being frozen!


First up was orange juice. It can't be that bad can it? If you share that thought, congratulations, you're already wrong! Add water, shake, and take a drink, what greeted me was an immediate strong and sour taste that didn't resemble orange juice at all. In fact, it tasted like an old woman had violent diarrhea into the can, it was chilled, added a little bit of urine just because, and then it was served to me. So the question was, was I going to drink more of it or pour it down the drain?

You can bet I drank more just to punish myself for my sins of following my brother's route in self-pleasuring myself to video montages of Michelle from Full House on YouTube.

What's that? My brother's a pedophile?

I learn something new every day I guess.

Twenty minutes later I kept getting the feeling I might be getting close to almost puking, but it never reached that stage. Still, if I was stranded on a deserted island, I'd drink my own urine (which would resemble in color and smell of chicken broth, the kind that'd leave your toilet bowl steamin') before I'd drink this rancid crap.

Second up was apple juice, and pretty much the same thing happened to me, with the strong and sour taste returning with a vengeance, but my downfall here was that I thought it was terrible, don't get me wrong, but tolerable, so I drank more.

Twenty minutes later in the bathroom with violent diarrhea, I regretted my decision.

Sadly I did not get the chance to try the grape juice but I can imagine that was just as God-awful as the other abominations to esophagus, with normal grape juice, if you add yeast and all that, and wait for a long period of time, it can possibly turn into wine, but with this, I'd imagine it'd just taste more and more like diarrhea with time. As far as I know, you cannot get drunk off of diarrhea so that's probably not worth your time trying.

1/10